You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
