this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
