Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
