where am i from again
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
