I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
