I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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