if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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