I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
