I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
