you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
