I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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