i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
