we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
