I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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