I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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