Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
