i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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