dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
