I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
