she woke up with a sticky ear
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
