My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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