Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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