I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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