omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
