Please, let me fuck your mom
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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