textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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