I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize