i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Come share oat with me in your robe
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
