you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
