he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
