i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
