omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
