I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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