I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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