I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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