just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
