i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
