hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
