I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
