I accidentally had phone sex last night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
