ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
