An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
