does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
