Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
