So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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