dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
