like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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