Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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