I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
