hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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