Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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