I hate all girls vehemently.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
