google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
