I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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