you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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