And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
