I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
