Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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