we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we're making bets on your personal life
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
