Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize