i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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