I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize