I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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