Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
