yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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